I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
