I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think my moral compass just broke
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