he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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