On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Enjoy the penises
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
