I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
