I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize