I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
