Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
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