let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
