you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
