Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
