i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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