1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I love you.
Bad choice
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