Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
