Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
