you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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