my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
