Having a random hookup so left but love u
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
