already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
