I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize