I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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