careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
