it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
