My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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