He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
