FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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