peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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