i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
