If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
