You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize