fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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