You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
