Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
