the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
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Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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