hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
