my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
