just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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