You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
