I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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