I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
