My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
