I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
