Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
