Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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