Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
