Your face is a jimmy john
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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