i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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