My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
