girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize