He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
