You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
