dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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