just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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