oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
