and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
