i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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