i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
