when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
