Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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