well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
