You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
