Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
