I will die if light touches me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
