I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
