dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
