So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
