Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
