So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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