HIV tests are more positive than that guy
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
