I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
