Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
