last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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