wat bout pragnant strippers??
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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