Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
