Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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