So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
