Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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