Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
