wanna go halves on a baby?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
