I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
