Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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