Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
